The following is an actual Craigslist ad that I placed last summer, when I went kind of loony tunes for a hot minute and decided to chuck and replace pretty much every single one of my worldly possessions (but, um, that’s a different story for different time…) In terms of it’s ultimate purpose, the ad was met with only mild success (odd, I know, since I did make everything sound so wildly appealing) but was, however, lovingly embraced by the Craigslist community….albeit, not enough to make “Best Of.” Seriously, who do I have to hump around here to make that damn list??
But I digress….
“Abused and Neglected Furniture—Free to a good home!
Come and get take these items away from me before I subject them to more cruelty!
–Full/Queen adjustable black wrought-iron bed (headboard, footboard and frame) which bears the scars of frequent, pernicious scrubbing
–Full size box spring–netting on the underside destroyed by my adorably evil feline minions
–Ikea desk–oak veneer–drawer came off runner, mostly because the ex-boyfriend who put it together was a total loser and refused to read the directions
–Ikea “Lack” coffee table–beech veneer–one “loose” leg–(FYI, not to be sat upon by any person weighing more than 120lbs)
–Ikea brown and beige rug, aprox. 4′x6′. Who knows, YOU may really like the way it smells!
–Black floor lamp with ugly faux stained glass shade and an extremely stubborn genie….
–Blue Graco Pack N Play that apparently wasn’t good enough for my sister’s baby
–Assorted, loathed doohickies
Any and all items MUST be picked up by Sunday, which is when I plan to set them all ablaze and dance naked around them.
Call 203-***-**** for more information.”
